The Past

Have you ever just looked over things you have written in the past and you thought about it? Thinking you could never get over it. I was found some things and realized that even when the pain is gone, the memories still remain and surprisingly the feelings are there also.  I found a bunch of poems that I wrote when I was really, really hurting and did not realize how much until I read them. ….

Wow…. I read some more, and the pain was so evident in the words. It is true…time heals all wounds.

When your heart is heavy and filled with pain
What do you do
When you think you are all alone and nobody cares,
When you look away so nobody sees you cry
What do you do? What do you do
You cry
You cry a silent cry, with a silent tear
A tear that fills your eyes making your vision blurry
Then they begin to slowly fall
The first tear just rests on your eyelashes
The second pushes them out further
As your eyes begin to burn more begin to fall
Slowly cascading down your cheeks,
As you are sitting down thinking of the pain
Of the hurt
Of the sadness
Of the aloneness
They begin to fall down from your cheeks
Following the line of your jaw,
Like a slow moving stream of water
Pushing its way along the ground
They fall
The more you think, the more tears that come.
Just when you feel like your dam will burst, they stop.
And the pain gets put inside a box deep within.
The box is locked and the key is thrown away.
I feel the pain deep inside and it won’t go away.
Sometimes you just get tired of trying to be happy all the time.
I am tired of trying to be happy all the time.
Pretending that nothing bothers me, pretending that nothing gets me down.
I’m tired of putting on a play for the world.
I am tired of brushing things off.
I am tired of being strong.
I am tired of being alone.
I am tired of fakers.
I am tired of someone smiling in my face, while stabbing me in the back.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t HAVE to be strong.
But that is the way that a woman has to be.
Be strong.
(but I’m scared)
Be strong.
(but I’m afraid).
Be a strong woman, don’t cry.
(but I was left alone, why can’t I cry)
Become superwoman, be strong, and don’t give up.
(but I’m tired)
Be a strong woman who can do anything
(but I can’t do it all by my self)
Be a strong woman, like the women before you.
(but how)

Yes, time does heal all wounds. I got in this melancholy mood because as usual, I was alone, bored and started wandering and thinking. Changed clothes and paid a visit to earth and found this sim that just got me a little sad. And I can blame it all on my internet company. As soon as my service was able to come back on, everybody was gone. Now so much has happened in my kajira life, that I just don’t know where to start. That’s why I paid a visit to the past….and now I am bummed. LOL  But I really did come to post pictures of the sim, but you know what happens, you start writing and thinking and thinking and writing.  Okay enough of reading those things….time to end this so I can post the pictures of this cool sim.

As usual……

That is all…….

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