Tag Archive | life

The Journey

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaz uuuuuuuuuuuuup!!    What a loaded question!  But really what has been up with that kajria known as Devine?  The blog was started just so I can give my two cents about what is going on in and around my Gorean life in SL.  It then moved more to adventures outside of Gor and in SL, Then well just whatever popped into my mind, old things that I had written, videos of songs that I like, and not much about my Gorean life. **grins**

My Gorean life has limited knowledge, I have been a slave in SL ever since this avi was created back in 2008, but in the BDSM world. I had many different Masters human and some not so human, and was considered many different things: a slave, a sub, a pet. All that time I was searching for.. for something. I knew something more was out there but just did not know what. So for four long years I was searching, then in late 2012 I was brought by my then Master to Gor, to the village of Tarnsport. I had heard soooo many bad things about “those gorean people” that all they want to do is R&R, Rape and raid. Was this girl scared? heck yea. So here I am, introduced to Gor, not having read a book or anything. A true virgin. (snickers)  had to laugh at that one. But you know what I meant. Okay, now where was I… Yes a scared slave with a then Master that knew as much about Gor as I did. I had been with that Master for a total of three years, (collared twice by him  in the BDSM word and my time in gor with him)

He brought me into his strange world and something started happening, the more I learned the more I realized that maybe what I was searching for was here in this world but not really able to find it. This happened, that happened, and the slave Devine was still searching. To make that long story short, it ended up Gor nor this girl was what was on the front of his mind. So I begged a release, I just couldn’t serve a master who at that time didn’t want me, the life he brought me to and that I wanted, and didn’t know himself. Now I am happy to say we are friends again, can never have that old relationship but am glad to have my friend back.  [wait…. where was I, sorry started watching youtube videos and lost my train of thought].

So then I was unowned for a few days, maybe a week, before the Admin of Tarnsport collared me. Well this happened, and that happened and even more happened. Through my brief time in Gor, I had been going to classes, learning, reading,wanting to know as much about being a kajria as I could, devine was still searching. To make a long story short again, He passed away the beginning of this year. I added a post juls wrote about him earlier this year.  Then I became a village slave. That was interesting, but thankfully in this instance only, there was not much traffic in the village. I would have been slightly well more than slightly nervous. Remember, the only Gor that I knew was what was in Tarnsport

And as you guessed it… stuff happened, this happened that happened, and even more happened. This is been a very difficult, strange, emotionally charged, emotionally draining first half of the year. After belonging to the village for a while, the then slaver and Admin bought me.  Yes, I am leaving out a lot of personal details about the this and that’s, well because family business is just that family business and its in the past.  Through these years of searching I finally realized what I was searching for. A Gorean Master, that will take full control of His property. Not a boyfriend Master, not a friend Master, not a nice I want to make up for all the bad that has been done to you Master, not a I am a Master but don’t know how to master Master. Inside I knew why when I was brought to Gor and sat and watched how the Masters and slaves interacted, it sparked a fire inside of me. I knew that this world was what Devine was searching for all of those years.

Well, the journey still continues and a new chapter is opening in the slave formally known as Devine but now knows as Pudding’s life. My Master has decided to leave the only village I had ever known, frighting yes. But a new adventure awaits. There is much more I would like to say, but …. better left alone. Actually I do have something else to say and I typed it below, but cut it out to be put in its own blog. But for now….

 

That is all………

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The Past

Have you ever just looked over things you have written in the past and you thought about it? Thinking you could never get over it. I was found some things and realized that even when the pain is gone, the memories still remain and surprisingly the feelings are there also.  I found a bunch of poems that I wrote when I was really, really hurting and did not realize how much until I read them. ….

Wow…. I read some more, and the pain was so evident in the words. It is true…time heals all wounds.

When your heart is heavy and filled with pain
What do you do
When you think you are all alone and nobody cares,
When you look away so nobody sees you cry
What do you do? What do you do
You cry
You cry a silent cry, with a silent tear
A tear that fills your eyes making your vision blurry
Then they begin to slowly fall
The first tear just rests on your eyelashes
The second pushes them out further
As your eyes begin to burn more begin to fall
Slowly cascading down your cheeks,
As you are sitting down thinking of the pain
Of the hurt
Of the sadness
Of the aloneness
They begin to fall down from your cheeks
Following the line of your jaw,
Like a slow moving stream of water
Pushing its way along the ground
They fall
The more you think, the more tears that come.
Just when you feel like your dam will burst, they stop.
And the pain gets put inside a box deep within.
The box is locked and the key is thrown away.
I feel the pain deep inside and it won’t go away.
Sometimes you just get tired of trying to be happy all the time.
I am tired of trying to be happy all the time.
Pretending that nothing bothers me, pretending that nothing gets me down.
I’m tired of putting on a play for the world.
I am tired of brushing things off.
I am tired of being strong.
I am tired of being alone.
I am tired of fakers.
I am tired of someone smiling in my face, while stabbing me in the back.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t HAVE to be strong.
But that is the way that a woman has to be.
Be strong.
(but I’m scared)
Be strong.
(but I’m afraid).
Be a strong woman, don’t cry.
(but I was left alone, why can’t I cry)
Become superwoman, be strong, and don’t give up.
(but I’m tired)
Be a strong woman who can do anything
(but I can’t do it all by my self)
Be a strong woman, like the women before you.
(but how)

Yes, time does heal all wounds. I got in this melancholy mood because as usual, I was alone, bored and started wandering and thinking. Changed clothes and paid a visit to earth and found this sim that just got me a little sad. And I can blame it all on my internet company. As soon as my service was able to come back on, everybody was gone. Now so much has happened in my kajira life, that I just don’t know where to start. That’s why I paid a visit to the past….and now I am bummed. LOL  But I really did come to post pictures of the sim, but you know what happens, you start writing and thinking and thinking and writing.  Okay enough of reading those things….time to end this so I can post the pictures of this cool sim.

As usual……

That is all…….

A Kajira’s Adventure outside the walls

Remember when I said sometimes you just gotta get away?????  Well sometimes, you just want to visit. Chores done and streets empty, and well I was sorta lonely. So I figured if you are alone might as well go sight seeing, So off went the silks and on went a really cute purple polka dot dress. And it was time to travel to urth.  After a few seconds of searching, [mainly because it was starting to bore me] I found a sim called Heightened Passion.  I know what you are thinking…passion, must be for lovebirds. Well you are partly right, its also a beautiful place to visit and so much to do. I took pictures and even tried to play with Fraps and make a video…maybe Ill try to post it also.

There are lots of things to do on the sim, so I started with Horseback riding. I will name my horse blue beauty. 🙂

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It was a beautiful trail, the horse can seat two, but if one sits on it, it will adjust to you. Isn’t this beautiful?

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Now its getting a little scary going to go up the bridge……Look at that view! hmm I don’t know why I didn’t take a lot of horse pictures, but I shall have to come back and take more.

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Yep you guessed it time for the hot air balloon ride, They actually have two different tours. Relaxing in the breeze.

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All I can say is. ………… aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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Look at  the waterfalls. So beautiful….dang that fire sure warms you up fast!

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I am starting to wonder, am I really on earth or am I in Gor?

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Okay, I have no idea which world this is but it doesn’t matter, its beautiful.

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So high up and I look so calm, well calm is not the word, that heat coming off of that fire was hot!

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Reflecting and enjoying the beauty. Look at that waterfall behind me.. its is pretty.

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Can you believe this? This is where the balloon dropped me off. Maybe going into that cave is the way down? The only way to find out is to go in.  OH and a full picture of my dress…. grins. Its not pink but the next best thing, purple.

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Okay so it was not the way out but another secluded, hidden spot for … grins… umm you know….

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Time to take the 2nd tour…..and time to think again. The day was getting late and I was a bit cold, and well it was a big basket and only me in it……

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Yeah still thinking, so many thoughts can run through your brain, some good, some bad.

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Look see down there that is the riding trail, It was fun riding that horse.

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Another time to think another beautiful setting

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Sometimes all you can say is…………. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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Just another gorgeous view as the ride was coming to an end.

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I decided to take a walk after the balloon ride and found this tunnel. I didnt go in, but thought it would be a great place to take a picture. 🙂

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If you can read the time on the clock, when I took this picture that was my correct time, 12:50 am. I need to learn to do these things earlier in the day.

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I am so so sleepy, jack and coke did put this girl in a relaxing mood. Ill try to post the video tomorrow……until then…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…. That is all